I’m like an expectant father running out of things to do to keep myself busy while I wait for my wife to give birth.
This is kind of ridiculous, but I don’t know how to make it stop.
I have twice given birth myself… though I most certainly wasn’t in charge of the proceedings…
I have midwifed six kittens with ease and two calves, both of whose births were quite complicated. After a prolonged labor, the first was born distressed, covered in meconium and wasn’t nursing in the prescribed window of necessity. I had to massage her, pray over her and keep trying to get 65 pounds of slimy infant bovine to her feet to keep her alive. A year and a half later, the next calf presented breach, was pretty much dead when we pulled him out and required baby cow CPR. Both, ended up as the two healthiest, most vigorous of all our home birthed calves.
Given my pretty good track record for four-legged midwifing, you’d think I’d be reasonably confident going into this process. Right?
My anxiety exists on a number of levels.
1) I’ve never had animals whose birthing rituals include worming, vaccines, vitamins or weighing. The most common scenario goes like this… “Oh, wow. Look. There’s a baby cow out there.” One week later, I call the vet to give shots and band ‘im if it’s a boy.
Cauterizing baby goat horn buds? Me? Um… ok.
2) Cows most often have single offspring… by the time this week is over I will very likely have at least five new little hairy barn people to tend to.
Goat juggling, anyone?
3) When you buy a cow, she’s yours and what happens… happens. When I bought Tina and Junie, I was buying a family’s beloved pets. I bonded instantly with their “mom” and have remained in touch with her. I even took the girls back to her to have them bred so she is seriously invested in these babies! I think the part of me that is most anxious is the part that is worried about letting her down and causing her personal heartache should anything go wrong.
… not that my own heart is not also at risk. DANG, I love my goatie girls!
4) The weight of the fact that this whole show is my idea. My doing. Wholy my responsibility is fully settling in. The well-being and success/profitability of Angel Acres rests firmly on these two does and my shoulders.
Don’t get me wrong. Intellectually and in my bones I’m certain I am up to the test… In fact, I’m pretty sure this is mostly what I was made to do. But, this is a new learning curve for me so I guess some trepidation and a healthy respect for the powerful yet delicate nature of Life is to be expected and is in order.
You need to know that these various states and degrees of anxiety co-exist with a great deal of excitement and satisfaction for seeing my dreams slowly but definitely coming to fruition. These blessed births are one more step in the direction of self-sustainability and co-laboring with God toward living, sharing and teaching what I believe. What an indescribably awesome realization!
I am inexpressibly grateful to have the help of friends who have been here before me and are infinitely generous with information, advice and supplies. Thank you SO MUCH Chrissy, Linda and Deanna!
Also to my great advantage and comfort is the fact that I’m working with a couple of pros here. Tina and Junie are both excellent mothers and great at giving birth. I am relying heavily on their expertise to gently teach and guide me through this new adventure with patience, authority and grace.
I am certain I will be depending on them a whole lot more than they will be needing me… except for maybe helping with clean up and giving their new darling babies their shots and stuff… Oh, they’re totally smart enough! It’s an opposable thumbs thing. 😉
That’s all I have to report for now. Thanks for being here with me.
I’ll keep you posted!
Farm Girl out.